SUMMER BUCKET LIST

We've spent at least our last three summers taking care of babies and barely getting out of the house. It has been a trying (but precious) time for our family. My husband wasn't making as much money as he's making now, so our summer fun has been extremely limited. Since my husband has a better job and our youngest is going from baby to toddler, I decided to not let another summer pass us by. I came up with a long list of ideas of things we would love to do together as a family. I created a summer bucket list and hung it on a huge poster board in our hallway so we have a daily reminder of all the fun things we want to try to do. Having this in front of us has really helped do away with the "What is there to do" questions where we'd always just end up eating dinner at a restaurant. Boring! I'm happy to say that many of these things have already been marked off! I love making all these memories with my kids and husband! 

The things with asterisks are activities that can be done when it's raining. Yesterday we went to the Newport Aquarium and today we will be making Rice Krispie Treats. As you can see, I've included several big and little things. I can't wait to update you at the end of summer (most likely into the fall) and share all of the cool things we've done together.  

Here are a few of the fun things we've done so far:

SNOW CONES

MINI GOLF

SWIMMING POOL

REPTILE EXPO

TRIANGLE PARK

 Be blessed my friends!

BIRTHDAY PARTY HIGHLIGHTS

Fun Decorations

Ready for the fun to begin!

Who's due first? 

With one of my best friends!

Holding his gift up with his feet!

Mamaw & Papaw Loving on him.

Daddy's side of the family.

Besties

Awkward pic with one of my besties! Haha

OUR BABY BOY'S 2ND BIRTHDAY PICTURES

OUR LITTLE KIWI

Here are the latest ultrasound pics of our baby boy. He is in the

perfect position, perfect heart beat, weighs about 3lbs 11oz, and is

on track to weigh around 7 pounds.

That may look like a hand over his 

face, but it's actually his feet. It 

amazes me how flexible babies are 

in the womb.







The placenta has moved up and is no longer a concern and my 

previous scar area looks great. I met my doula and think she's a 

wonderful fit. Everything is falling into place and I give God all 

of the glory!

Be blessed my friends!

It's been over a month again since my last post. I want to make my blog a priority just like so many other things in my life, but it's just so tough these days. I am extremely exhausted with this pregnancy. I try to do things like let sun shine into the house as much as possible, when it's actually shining. I have started taking B vitamins on top of my regular prenatals. I get out and walk as much as I can. I try to force water. I just don't know what else to do. I don't think it's mostly the pregnancy's fault, but rather, this guy:

His personality is as big in real life as it is in this picture. Man he sure keeps me on my toes! He's constantly throwing things, dumping things, and tearing up things. He's a runner and a screamer. One of his new favorite words is "NO". He's a mocker and since I have two older boys in the house, one of his other favorite words is "penis".

There's never a dull moment in our home!

Be blessed my friends!

Boys, Boys, Boys

Random pics of my youngest two and G2's creation. It's a robot that he made out of magnetics. He had built this a day or so earlier and wanted me to take a picture, but by the time I got the camera out, he already tore it to pieces. I told him I wanted to take a picture of it and he said, "Okay, I will just remake it." And he did! He remade this exactly like it was the first time and it only took him about 5 minutes. My boys are so smart. 

The middle picture on the right was G3's first day of "school". He loved sitting next to his big brother and drawing pictures for us. This last picture is G3's messy pizza face. He loves his food, but also loves making messes! I love my oldest son too, but getting pictures of him is much tougher these days. Stay tuned for more pics with all of my boys!

From My Heart (Continued)

One day shy of 20 weeks with baby # 4

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post so I thought I'd give you an update. I'm doing much better, but still have a little ways to go. Time really does help heal a lot of things. I'm still in denial that I'm actually having a 4th boy. I look at my ultrasound picture a lot and I question it. I've even shared it with others who also question it. It has 3 lines (which is what you hear all the time when it's a girl), just the middle line is out a bit further than the other 2. Someone in my mom's group on Facebook shared a picture of their "It's a girl" ultrasound and I swear, my ultrasound picture looks a lot like that one. I go back on in 2 weeks for another ultrasound because of my age. This is one time I'm actually glad I'm a bit older. I'll get a second look at the baby and hopefully they'll have a better look at the private areas and ease any confusion that I still have.

Until then, I'm just trying to convince myself that it is a boy. I'm trying to bring myself to buy something for him, but I just can't get excited over anything. I mean, have you seen the baby girl clothes? They are ridiculously cute and they are everywhere! Try finding something that is cute for a boy. I mean, really cute. The options really stink! I think I'm going to have to go to a boutique store and spend a lot of money on one item just to make myself feel better.

The support from my friends and family have been a tremendous help in my healing process. I told them that I didn't want any comments (and I really thought I didn't), but I honestly don't know where I'd be right now if they hadn't reached out to me in the only ways they knew how. I'm very blessed and grateful for people who don't give up on me when I'm down. They are always there to lift me back up. They might not have had the right words, but they tried and that speaks mountains to my heart.

Moving on! No more posts about gender dissapointment because deep down I know that I will love this baby no matter what the gender is. I love my 3 sons with all of my heart. My heart aches just thinking of when they will be grown and leave me. Sadly, that may not be too far off for my oldest. They are each such a blessing to my life. They have changed me inside and out. I'm still working on making myself a better person, because I want to be the best for them.

God has really been speaking to me about writing more. It's my outlet and I believe it's a gift from Him. It's a gift that He wants me to share with others. So, I plan to write more often (I know, you've heard this before). He wants me to be an encourager to others because there are too many people in this world who don't have a great support system like I do. So stay tuned for some encouraging, uplifting messages (along with other tidbits of my life).

Be blessed my friends!

FROM MY HEART

Tuesday was our big day. We went to have an ultrasound on the baby. Everything went great. Well, almost everything. The placenta is close to my cervix, but there's still plenty of time for it to move up, so for now I'm going to try to remain positive about it. The doctor had to step out for a delivery so I asked the ultrasound tech a few questions about my Vba2C (vaginal birth after 2 cesareans). I left feeling discouraged because she told me that they won't let me go past 40 weeks. What in the world? 40 weeks is just an estimated due date! And from all of my research, I know that being induced can increase my risks of uterine rupture. She also said the baby can't be over a certain weight. Bull! I know of plenty of women who have had Vbacs with big babies. I'm just going to take her words as a grain of salt until I actually get a chance to talk to my doctor. I really hope his words are more encouraging to me. I am scheduled to go for another ultrasound next month because of my age. Yay! Way to make me feel old. They look for chromosomal disorders, down syndrome being the most common. So far though, everything looks great with the baby.

I had the technician find out the gender as we all closed our eyes. She wrote down what it was and put it in two separate envelopes; one for the cake maker for our reveal party, and one for us to verify later. Once we were home I just couldn't stop thinking about the gender. I started getting a strong feeling that it was another boy. I fought back tears just thinking about it. Don't get me wrong please. I love my boys with all of my heart, but I really had my heart set on this baby being a girl. Everything about this pregnancy is different. I was sure it was a girl. But what if I was wrong? I suddenly realized that if I wait until the party to find out, there's a 50/50 chance that it could be a boy. I realized that I would probably cry my eyes out in front of everyone and then have to leave the room. That would be so awkward and not the way I imagined our fun party to turn out.

I jokingly held up one of the envelopes towards the light (without anyone knowing). It was a brown envelope so I didn't expect to see anything...but I did. I was sure I saw the word BOY. I fought back tears hard. Once the kids had left the room I told my husband what had happened. I asked him if he'd be mad at me if I opened the envelope to make sure. He said he wouldn't. So I opened it. I was right. My heart just sank. I cried, and cried, and cried. I said things that I already regret. My head felt like it was going to explode. I ended up crying myself to sleep around 1:30 in the morning.

We cancelled the party. I felt like I was mourning the loss of something, and I was. I was mourning the loss of the dream of having my own daughter; my own little princess. I wanted so badly to buy pink things. I wanted a little girl to go shopping with. Someone to have my hair and nails done with; all these things that I missed out on with my own mother because she was such a hard worker. We never really had that mother/daughter relationship that I longed for. I really thought I could experience that with my own daughter, but I feel like I'll never have that chance now.

I don't want to share my news with anyone, but I'm sure that most who were going to come to the party have assumed the truth. I feel let down. I feel like I'm letting other people down. I know so many others who hoped that this would be our girl. I don't want to hear the comments. "At least it's healthy". "You're so blessed to be having 4 kids when so many moms can't even have 1". I get all of that, but I don't want to hear it. It's not helpful to me right now.

For now it's extremely hard for me to think of my pregnant friends who are finding out they are having girls. It's hard to think of all the people around me who have girls. Why couldn't I just have one? I feel like no one is really going to care much about this baby. If it were a girl, I would've had the gender reveal party and celebrated with friends and family. I would've had a baby shower. She wouldn't have had only hand-me-downs from her 3 older brothers. There will be no exciting picture to announce the gender on facebook. I'm finding it so hard to find any excitement in this whatsoever. I don't feel a connection with this baby. Even when I thought that it might be a girl I felt that way. I thought it was just because I don't feel this one moving as much. Now I just don't know. I don't want to buy anything for it. I don't want to come up with another G name. And then I feel extremely guilty for having these feelings that I can't seem to control.

Why can't I find it in me to celebrate and be happy over this wonderful blessing that God is trusting me with? Even when I hold my 1 year old and see that joy that he brings into my life, I still feel like a piece of my life is missing: my little girl that I'll probably never have. I'm very depressed. I'm just not myself. I'm finding it so hard to get back to my old self. I feel like I'm purposely isolating myself because I don't want anyone's pity and I don't want the opposite either. I just don't want to be around anyone. I guess I just need time to come to terms with this. I'm sure God has a reason for giving me 4 boys and I am grateful for their health. I'm sure I will love and connect with this baby in time. And that's just what I need...time.

Be blessed my friends!

Our Grinch Tradition

Each year the Grinch comes to our house after Santa does. He makes a mess of things and plays tricks on the boys. Here are some highlights of his trip this year:

The snowflakes were already there (the Grinch isn't that good). But he took the green streamers and made a mess with them. 

He also t-peed our tree with his green paper. And see that funky looking gift in front of the gate, next to the Santa gifts? Well, that was Mr. Grinch's gift to our middle child. That Grinch sure does a very sloppy wrapping job. The gift was a Grinch matching game.

WARNING: THE NEXT PICTURE CONTAINS SOMETHING NASTY! VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

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And here's something the Grinch does every year:

He uses our bathrooms! Our 6 year old remembered to look for this and he was so excited as he ran down the hall to check out the toilet. What a priceless, funny moment!

I guess he creates a self portrait of himself in the bathroom just in case we didn't notice what he left in the toilet! Haha

He turned the boy's milk green and made "Grinch Pudding". He also put eyeballs on a lot of the food and drinks in our refrigerator; see the egg cartoons. I really hope he washed his hands before he messed with this stuff!

My favorite thing of all that the Grinch did this year was something I would've just loved as a child.

Somehow he managed to sneak an entire room full of balloons into G2's room while he was sleeping. What a site that was! The balloons not only covered his entire floor, but were piling up on top of each other. There was also a small, blue tree with candy canes and ornaments in his room, but we aren't sure if that was from the Grinch or Santa. This was a year that this little boy will remember for the rest of his life!

Be blessed my friends!

OUR LITTLE PEANUT

Just wanted to share our first pictures of our newest addition. Heart rate was 173 and it was moving all around. I am over the moon with excitement. I'm just still in awe that God is really giving me the desires of my heart and that is to have four children of my own. It's something I've dreamed of since I was a teenager and the doctors told me that they didn't know if I would ever be able to have any children. Thank you Jesus for my children!

Be blessed my friends!

BIG NEWS FOR OUR FAMILY

I can't believe (once again) how long it's been since I wrote anything on here. I usually have good excuses though. This time I am writing to share some exciting news for our family.

That's right! We are expecting our 4th blessing! Arriving some time early in June of 2015. I'm so excited and of course hoping for a girl since we have got to experience boyhood 3 times already. Of course, I sure love my boys and wouldn't ever even think of life without them. God knows what He's doing so I trust that He's giving me what He knows I can handle. This has been the easiest pregnancy so far! I have had some nausea and I've gagged a lot, but never actually thrown up. I don't think I ever threw up with my last two either. God is awesome! I'm praying hard over this pregnancy. 

My parents are thousands of miles away from me now, so for their sake, I will make a better effort to post on here to keep them updated. I know they miss their grand babies and I sure miss them too! Thanks for stopping by!

Be blessed my friends! (I know I am.)

FINDING JOY IN THE LITTLE THINGS

It's so funny to me how often I hear the words, "I could never do that". It's usually mentioned when talking about being a stay at home mom or especially homeschooling my kids. I never thought I could do it either, but God doesn't call the qualified. He calls those who will listen to Him and then He equips them with everything they need. This has been an 8 year journey for us and it's never really been easy. But God never promised easy. He did promise that He would never leave or forsake me and that He'll never give me more than I can bare. Some days I question Him on that. I wonder, "Do you really think I can handle all of this God?". This week has been a perfect example. We have no extra money right now. We have a leak in our roof and our heat and air completely stopped working. Our 6 year old has been having major behavior issues and I can't figure out exactly what's going on with him. The baby wants no one but me. On one hand I really love that, but on the other hand, my back hurts and sometimes I just need a break. I could go on and on about other issues going on right now, but I'll spare you the details. It's just been rough!

I've tried to make things better. I've added more games to my 6 year old's school work and I tried helping our teenager with his science project. The only thing that got me was a blister on my finger from the glue gun.

Here he is working on a glider:

Today was the worst day of all. It's almost 4 in the evening and I haven't really done any school with the 6 year old. I had such a stressful morning that I decided to just get us all ready and head to Chick-fil-a. I just had to get out of the house. I think the kids needed it too.

Here's a couple of pictures I took of the youngest two in the playroom:

And so here I am, back at the house feeling so unaccomplished. I feel like I'm barely surviving. So when you think that you can't do it, just remember, it's not all rose petals and daisies. Some days I think that I can't do it either. I'm sure no matter what your life consists of, you too have days where you think that you just can't go on.

Oh look! While I was busy creating this post, something did get accomplished. My son finished his glider!

It's things like this that helps me get through these tough days! It's these little things that are so huge to me and bring me so much joy. Thank you to my oldest son for working hard on your own to accomplish what needs to be done. 

Be blessed my friends!