Three Miracles

From a very young age, I always knew I wanted children of my own someday. I was always the mothering type and never met a baby who didn't absolutely love me. I would always hog the babies at family events or anywhere else I could get my hands on one. However, at the young age of 13, I began having issues with my female organs. The first was a cyst on one of my ovaries. It was very painful and wouldn't respond to medication, so it had to be surgically removed. Several months later I developed another cyst on the opposite ovary which also had to be surgically removed. At age 16, I was back in the hospital with the same issues, only this time the cyst had completely overtaken my ovary and started growing into it. My ovary had to be reconstructed. When I woke up from the surgery, the doctor had assumed that my parents had already told me what else happened during the procedure. He started talking about the steps I can take to deal with my endometriosis. For some reason, I already knew at this young age, what endometriosis was, and I began to cry. He also checked my incisions and for the first time, I realized that my stomach had been cut from one side to the other. My parents came back to the room and found me in tears and were shocked and very upset that the doctor had explained everything to me without them being there.

At just 16 years old, I was diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis; stage 4 is the worst. The disease was all over my uterus, my ovaries, bowels, bladder and the rest of my pelvic area. The doctor said he had never seen anything like this on someone so young. One of the hardest things for me to realize was that they had cut me open, but there wasn't much they could do because the endometriosis had recently developed. They said it would be like plucking little, fine hairs. So they used a laser to get some of it, and then sewed me back up. So once again, before I turned 17, my other ovary was now overtaken by a cyst. It too had to be completely reconstructed and this time the endometrisis had grown enough that they could use the lasers and burn away what was there. They went through the same scar and cut me from one side of my stomach to the other again.

When I was 13 years old, a reproductive specialist told me that he didn't know if I would ever be able to have children. This news hurt so bad, even though I was so young. I would walk around in public, watching mommies taking care of their babies, and my eyes would fill with tears and my mind with wonder. Would that ever be me? Please God, let it be me. My greatest desire in life was to one day become a mommy.

At the age of 19, I was already living on my own and had a great job. I met someone that I though I'd spend forever with and because of all the talk I had heard that I may never have children, we decided to try for a baby. Much to my surprise, I became pregnant very quickly. I knew I had let some family members down because I wasn't married, but I didn't care. My biggest dream in the world had become true. My precious son was born a few months after my 20th birthday; a healthy, 8lb., 7oz. boy. I felt so complete.

My boys forever

The relationship with his dad quickly fell apart and I would spend the next 6 years as a single mommy. Through it all, I still felt so blessed because God had given me the desire of my heart. However, I longed for my son to have a daddy and for my loneliness to go away. It seems as if, once I got my focus off of trying to find someone, and set my eyes completely on the Lord, surrendering to His will, that's when I met the man that God had always intended for me. The very first time we met, we knew there was something between us. And by our first date, we both knew that God meant for us to be together. As crazy as it seems, we were engaged after just 3 months of knowing each other, and got married just 3 months after that. It was one of the best years of my entire life.

When we decided that we would try to have a child together, I had already had other surgeries on my ovaries than the ones I mentioned. We didn't want to put off having children too long because of my history and because I was getting closer to 30. I knew that the older you get, the harder it may be to become pregnant. It only took us about 5 months to conceive, but it seemed like an eternity to me. Everything was going wonderful with the pregnancy...until I went into labor. I noticed that once my water broke, I hadn't felt the baby move much, so I started to worry. I was progressing pretty fast and suddenly the doctor became concerned. The baby's heart rate would drop with each contraction and after several contractions, it's heart rate wasn't recovering. The doctor told me that I had 3 tries to get the baby out, even though I was only at 8cm dilated. I pushed 3 times, but knew that nothing was happening. Then the room got really busy and she said that we had 20 minutes to get the baby out. I was terrified! About 4 hours after my water broke, our stubborn little Stinky Face was born via c-section. The scar that was originally caused from a horrible disease was the same scar that my baby would come through to finally be held in my arms. His body was blue and he didn't cry right away, so I was scared out of my mind. I did SO much praying that night! The cord had been wrapped around his neck 3 times. Finally, he began to cry and I felt so much relief. That night turned out to be one of the happiest, yet most terrifying nights of my entire life.

First time I got to touch my little Stinky Face

Because of the horrible delivery that I had with Stinky Face, I allowed fear to set in and take control of my life. It was so bad that it affected my marriage. I would push my husband away because I was terrified that I might accidentally get pregnant. This fear was out of control and had such a tight grip on my life. Even though my heart had longed for more children, I thought that maybe we would just adopt in the future. I just couldn't go through another birth experience like that again.

Miracle # 3 on the way!

Four years went by. FOUR YEARS of my life, controlled by fear...when one day, we were at church and got called out by a prophet that we highly respect. He had already prophecied over us three other times and it's just amazing, the things that he had told us. This was the 2nd time that he told us that there would be a 3rd child in our home and that we had not yet reached the quota that God had in store for us. My heart was changed that day. I realized that I had to let go of the fear. If not, I would continue living outside of God's will for my life. So, my husband and I began praying and believing for baby #3. By now I had turned 33 years old. Months went by as I watched everyone else around me become pregnant. Each month, when I realized that I wasn't, I would just cry. But, deep down, I knew that God wanted to bless me with more children. It was the desire of my heart. After 8 months of praying, we finally conceived our third miracle!

I have complete peace now. I'm believing God that He will carry me and the baby through this pregnancy and when it's all said and done, HE will get all the victory! He has delivered me from my fears and He has blessed me with the greatest blessings I could every ask for. He has made all of my dreams come true by allowing me to be a mommy to His precious children! 

Be blessed my friends!

Letters to My Baby ~ # 7

This is the last letter that I will be referring to you as "baby" because by tomorrow night the world will know if you are a boy or a girl. You are such an active little one! I feel you in there right now just bouncing all over the place. I love it! I got to see you on the ultrasound yesterday. I cried! I was amazed...overwhelmed with joy! You are perfect! You are healthy and your living space is set up just right, with the placenta high in the uterus. This was a specific prayer that I've been praying, so I rejoice in this answered prayer and trust the Lord that He has heard the rest of my prayers regarding your journey into our arms. 

Your daddy thought he felt you move for the first time yesterday. I know he did! He just second guessed it because it feels so light from the outside of my stomach. I'm so emotional these days. I tear up just thinking about you. I'm amazed that God is blessing us with a 3rd child. Now I can understand how people in the Bible were considered richly blessed by having children. 

I love you SO much...and your brothers too. God has been so good to me and your daddy. 

Oh yeah, I'm finally feeling better! I have been sick SO much during this pregnancy and the one week that I was feeling great, your brothers were very sick. So now I am completely enjoying this time of health! The doctor did check my blood yesterday though just to make sure I'm not anemic or that there isn't something else going on. Well, until next time my sweet baby. Muah

Letters to My Baby ~ #6

Hello little one. My how the time is flying by. I am currently 18 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I am extremely excited that we get a glimpse of you tomorrow through an ultrasound. We had a big party planned on Saturday to find out if you are a boy or a girl, but we might just find out tomorrow instead. Winter has begun and they are predicting rain and snow on Saturday and I don't want our friends to have to drive down here and back in the bad weather. I cannot wait to find out your gender. With your brothers, I just knew. And I never found out the sex until they were born. With you, I can't help myself...and I don't "just know". My gut says you are a girl, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Although, I would be just as happy with another little man to call my own. Your brothers are such blessings to me. I can't wait for Stinky Face to become a big brother. I think he's going to do great with you.

We just celebrated Christmas here. It just wasn't the same this year. We couldn't be with any of our friends or family because of sickness. Stinky Face had strep throat and then G.Q. got the flu. Now I have been sick once again with allergy and flu like symptoms. I am claiming my healing though and praising God for all that He's doing in our lives. Through all the hardships, we still know that we are very blessed.

I had a scare last night; yet another situation that we just had to pray and praise God through. I'm so thankful that I didn't end up in the hospital. Just as I was getting ready for bed, I started having a horrible pain in my stomach. The only way I can describe it, is that it felt like contractions. It would come and go just like contractions too. So of course, I was scared. It took over a half an hour to just be able to sit in my bed. Every time I would attempt to sit, it hurt even more. Your daddy starting speaking healing scriptures over me, and I just started thanking God for healing me. Eventually the pain subsided and we were able to get a half way decent night of sleep. We haven't slept well since the beginning of this pregnancy. I'm trusting God that He will soon allow us to get back to better sleep habit.

Well, until next time, Mommy loves you with all of her heart and soul. I'm so blessed to be carrying you in my stomach and to feel you moving around each day.

My Thoughts on the Tragedy in Connecticut

Today I reflect on yesterday's horrific tragedy where 20 children and 7 adults were killed in an elementary school in Connecticut by a man who also took his own life. It's really hard to gather all of my thoughts. My mind continually drifts off into prayer for those mommies and daddies who probably already had Christmas gifts for their children, but now they'll never get to see them open them up. I pray for the children and the rest of the families who will mourn the loss of the adults whose lives were also taken too soon. I fight back the tears and hug my children extra tight. I run my fingers through my little ones hair and kiss his cheek until he can't take anymore. 

I read post after post on social media pages of friends expressing their sadness and anger. Some posts really bother me; mainly the ones where people hope Satan is having a field day with the gunman's soul. Is that what Jesus wants? Is that what we really want? Heaven surely gained many sweet angels yesterday, but Jesus most likely grieved over the one loss soul. And the heaviness is weighing on my spirit too. What can we do differently to reach out to people before Satan completely wins the fight for their eternal lives? My heart is broken for the families who lost their loved ones yesterday and for Jesus who lost one of his sons.

I'm not defending the gunman at all, just trying to put on the mind of Christ. 
I am reminded of Ephesians 6:12 where the Bible says, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."  This young man's mind was obviously taken over by the rulers of the darkness of this world and there are plenty of other people who are headed down the same path. What can we do? How can we stop this from happening again? Jesus, please protect your people from the enemy and help us to be your hands and feet to bring the loss back to you!

Be blessed my friends and squeeze your children and loved ones extra tight today!

A Very Special Blessing

Words cannot express how thankful I am that we made it to church this morning. Satan was doing everything in his power to keep us away. He knew what was waiting for us. It's not normally like us to skip church, but I'm just getting over being sick and I don't get to see my husband a lot. As I looked ahead at this week's schedule, I realized that I will be at the church today, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and twice on Sunday. It just exhausted me to think about, so I thought that today would be a great time to just stay home and have some family time.

Then I saw on facebook that our church would be taking communion today. I called my husband and said sorry, but we can't miss church now. We only partake in communion a few times a year at our church because we don't want it to just be some religious act. I'm sure making the decision to go really ticked the devil off. Even though I have been feeling better, I couldn't fall asleep last night because I couldn't stop coughing. It was sometime after 1am that I finally fell asleep. Needless to say, we woke up late and we left late. My attitude quickly went downhill when I realized that I had forgotten my phone and a couple of other things I wanted to bring with me. Then I realized that it was all a part of Satan's plan to keep me from going. I was so happy to finally be there. The Lord's presence was so overwhelming.

 

As we took communion the man who gave us our juice and cracker passed back by us and stooped down to tell my husband, "Jesus has a very special blessing for you". My eyes filled with tears. My husband has been feeling the spiritual battle taking place around him and I know how much he needed to hear that word. I know that God has so much in store for my family, but as we were walking out of the sanctuary, a man stopped my husband. He had noticed for a while that my husband has trouble controlling his neck. Although we don't like to give it a name, it is tourettes. But we know that because it has a name, it must bow down to the most mighty name of Jesus Christ. We have been believing for my husband's healing for a long time and we remain faithful to do whatever the Lord puts on our hearts, no matter how crazy it seems to us or the rest of the world.

The man who approached us was a chiropractor from the area. We knew his name, but we had never met him before. He told my husband that he's been wanting to talk to him for some time, but just couldn't leave this time without talking to him. He wanted him to come in and get treated because they have seen people in similar situations become healed through their work and of course with help from the Lord. We told them that we are not in a financial position right now to afford treatment and the man said, "Don't worry about it". Once again my eyes filled with tears. I am so thankful for people like this man who have a heart to reach out to people when they know they won't get a financial gain from it.

At the beginning of this year, our pastor looked at my husband and told him that THIS is his year. I knew in my heart that my husband would be healed this year. Here it is, December 9th, and although I had began to question when my husband would be healed, I still held on to hope that it would be this year! And now I am believing that the special blessing that Jesus has in store for my husband is his complete healing....THIS YEAR! I can't wait to see my husband giving his testimony!

Be blessed my friends!

Letters to My Baby ~ #5

 Pink or Blue???

Hello little one! I'm so excited to watch my tummy grow and to begin feeling you move around more often. It's still like little butterflies floating in my belly, but it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. I still feel like you will be a girl. We get to have our big ultrasound on in 3 weeks and we are going to do something very exciting. Instead of finding out your gender, right there at the doctor's office, we are going to have them keep it a secret from us. They will call a friend of ours in Ohio to let her know if you are a boy or a girl, and then she will bake a cake that will be either pink or blue in the middle. She's bringing it to us 2 days after the ultrasound and we are going to have a party. I think it's going to be SO exciting to share this special moment with our closest friends. 

 

Trusting the Lord

Sometimes anxiety tries to creep in. Your youngest brother was delivered via an emergency c-section. After he was born, I thought I would never have any more children. I always wanted more in my heart, but it took over 4 years to get over the fear and to step out and trust the Lord. If it weren't for a prophecy I received, I'm not sure if those walls of fear would've ever crumbled. But, now here you are, growing stronger in my womb each day. He gave you to me and I trust Him now to see us through. I am expecting a natural delivery with zero complications and ALL of the glory will be given to the Lord. I love you, my precious baby.

Letters to My Baby ~ #4

Wow! I'm already in my 2nd trimester. This pregnancy seems to be going to fast. I can't wait until I feel you kicking every day. I don't feel the flutters as much as I did a week or so ago. Maybe you were just trying to find your comfy spot. My stomach is definitely showing that you are growing. With me being so short, you don't have anywhere to go but straight out! I have a friend who is due any time and I honestly think I look bigger than her. Of course, you are also my 3rd child and they say you show sooner with each child. That's definitely been true in my case.

I've been fighting an upper respiratory infection and bronchitis for well over a week now and then to top that off, I got thrush from the antibiotics. But, I'm believing God that I am finally over all of this! I went up for prayer on Sunday and was told by the lady that prayed over me, that she saw in the spirit realm that all this sickness I've been fighting is building up your immune system and you will be my strongest child of the three. I'm believing that with all my heart. You will not have any breathing issues like your brothers did! You will be so healthy and perfect! You, my child, were prophesied to me and you will do mighty things for God's kingdom. I love you with all my heart!

P.S. ~ Although your Stinky Face brother still hopes that you are a boy, he has started telling me that he thinks you are a girl. We'll find out in about a month! YAY

Letters to My Baby ~ #3

I decided to go to the doctor yesterday since today was Thanksgiving. It turned out that I have an upper respiratory infection and the beginning of bronchitis. So, I'm thankful that I went. Last night was a horrible night. I slept upright on the couch and coughed off and on all night. Today hasn't been much better. I just haven't felt well altogether. You will be so worth all of this though. I see other newborn pictures and I just can't wait to see what you look like, and to hold you in my arms. I don't know why I'm rushing time so much though. Your big brother turned 13 today. You know I've been having such a hard time with that. I just don't want to let him go, to let him grow up. I want to squeeze him tighter!

We had a lovely Thanksgiving, even though I really missed our friends and family in Ohio. Dinner was good and celebrating G.Q.'s birthday was great too. I think he was pretty happy. I haven't felt you in a few days. I don't like that. I can't feel you kick yet, but usually I feel butterflies about once a day and I just know that it's you. I love you! Love, Mommy

Winter Blues Already???

Each year my parents head south for the winter. This year they haven't even left and I'm already missing them terribly. They came to visit on Sunday and it's the last time I'll get to see them until the spring. I'm especially having a hard time this year since I'm pregnant. I hate the idea of being pregnant and my mommy being hundreds of miles away from me. I'm also fighting feelings of loneliness and unworthiness. I know these thoughts are not from the Lord, but it's still hard. Sometimes I feel like Jesus is the only one I have to talk to. Which shouldn't be a bad thing. It's also difficult being a stay at home mom where you don't get praise from anyone. And then I'm struggling because I just don't really feel like I'm needed where I love to be the most. I don't want to mention specifically what I'm talking about, but I just know that when I stop being a part of this, it will continue on without me without any problems and I feel like I won't even be missed. I just want to stay inside my home. There's less chance of getting hurt. But doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of loneliness? I wonder how much of these stupid feelings are due to the time change? That seems to bring me down each year. Does anyone else have this issue? 

Sorry that this post is so depressing. It's just what I'm feeling at the moment. I'm a real person and I share it all! I know Jesus will bring me out of it though. Maybe He's put me in this spot so I will draw closer to him. Guess I will get off of the internet and go spend more time with Him. 

Be blessed my friends!

Letters to My Baby ~ #2

I keep telling people that this pregnancy has been much easier than the other two, but now I'm starting to rethink that. I had felt that it was easier because the morning sickness hasn't been as bad. I've only thrown up once, but I'm pretty sure that was because of a virus. Although the morning sickness has been minimal, I feel like I just can't catch my breath from other kinds of illness. I've had that yucky virus, two types of infections and now I've been fighting a cold for four days and I'm only 13 weeks (tomorrow). Which brings me to a very exciting piece of news...that means tomorrow is the beginning of my 2nd trimester! YAY! This pregnancy seems to be flying by and I couldn't be happier about that. There are too many friends and family around me who are getting to hold their newborns in their arms. It makes me day dream about you even more. I can't wait to see what you look like. Will you have light or dark hair? There's no doubt in my mind that you will have hair and I think you'll have plenty of it. When you are first born, I picture you with a head full of dark hair.

I've had 6 total pregnancy dreams so far. With your brothers, I only had boy dreams, so I knew without a doubt that they would be boys. With you, I've dreamed twice that I miscarried (horrible, scary nightmares is more fitting), then I had 2 girl dreams and more recently I dreamed that you were a boy. The main thing I remember about one of the girl dreams is that you had something special about your eyes. They were the brightest, crystal blue color that I've ever seen in my life. I thought something was wrong with you, but when I woke up, God gave me peace and told me that it's a good thing. You have a special calling on your life. I can only imagine the impact you are going to make on this world.

Here's what happened in my last dream: I went in for my ultrasound and I didn't want to find out what you were because we are going to have a party and reveal it there. I hadn't told the doctor this yet, and I looked to my left and saw this printout that was all blue and it said, "It's a boy!!!". I pretended like I didn't see that and I was hoping it was just left there from the last person. Then I told the doctor our plans to not find out. He left the room and another technicion came in. She immediately zoomed in on your private area and I saw that you were a boy. She then verified that what I was looking at was indeed boy parts. I became upset and said, "I can only produce boys.". I was really upset because I didn't have a boy name picked out yet. When I awoke from the dream, I was so convinced that I was having a boy. It took me quite a while to realize that it was all just a dream.

So now, I'm thoroughly confused as to what your gender might be, but I still have a really strong feeling that you are a girl. Everything is just so different this time. Either way, you are a special gift from God and I am so incredibly blessed to have you in my life.

P.S. ~ Your smallest big brother has called you a he from day one! He really wants a little brother. Your oldest brother wants a sister this time. That's what he wanted before, but God gave him a brother.

Letters to My Baby

Since I've been faced with writers block, I decided that I will start writing letters to my unborn child. I think it will be a great way to share my pregnancy experience with others and also something for him or her to cherish when he or she is older. So, here goes:

Dear little berry, yesterday, November 17th, 2012 was the first time that I am 100% sure that I felt you move. I was sitting on my bed talking with my friend Trish (whom you will call Aunt Trish). All of the sudden I felt these really strong flutters in my belly, just to the right of where the doctor has been finding your heartbeat. I was so excited! I laughed and yelled at your daddy to tell him what just happened. He was obviously jealous. He can't wait until you are big and strong enough for him to feel you kicking.

A lot of things are happening in our lives. The biggest event is that your big brother is becoming a teenager. I still can't believe it! Today your mamaw and papaw came down to visit for the last time before they head south for the winter. Your Aunt Trish was also here. G.Q. opened his presents, we spent some time together and then went to Golden Corral to eat lunch. It's always so hard for me to tell my mom and dad goodbye when I know that I won't see them again for at least 4 months and they will be thousands of miles away from me. I miss them so much already!

Tonight your daddy put Christmas lights on the house. The weather here is so gorgeous! Thanksgiving is this Thursday and that is also the day your biggest brother turns 13. Your Grandma B, Great Grandpa & Aunt Cindy will be coming down to celebrate. We'll be taking another trip to Golden Corral because that's your brother's favorite place to eat.

That's all for now. I love you my precious baby. You are my 3rd miracle from Jesus! I'm so thankful for you!

MEMORIES

2006 ~ Me & My Pumpkin

Life seems like a whirlwind. The ticking clock seems to be going faster and faster every day. I remember just like it was yesterday, holding my first baby boy in my arms. I can still smell that fresh baby scent on his skin. I remember how hard it was to go back to work, to leave him with a stranger for the first time. I couldn't wait to run home and see him everyday. He had beautiful, blonde, curly hair and he was always smiling. He was super intelligent. I loved every teachable moment with him. Preschool age was one of my favorite ages with him. We loved finger painting, playing with Play-Doh and drawing pictures. When he was unhappy, all I had to do was put Veggie Tales on TV and he would stare into the tube until he fell asleep. There was no greater feeling than those precious times he fell asleep in my arms.

Where have all the years gone? My heart is saddened by the thought of all the memories we've created. Memories! Those days are gone. Now we have to create new memories that don't include him snuggling up to my chest or being carried around on my hip. My teaching moments have gone from teaching him how to use sippy cups and how to eat with silverware to teaching him 7th grade curriculum, what certain things mean that he hears from other kids, and teaching him more about responsibility. 

My little pumpkin is turning a new page in his life. He's no longer just a child. He's going to be a teenager. I want to hold him so close to me during the next few years, knowing just how fast the rest of my time with him has flown by. But what's so hard, is that this is the time of his life when I know I need to start letting go, just a little bit.

So here's to the new memories that I look forward to creating with my son. Video games, driving school, girls, cooking together, sports, new technologies, helping him grow closer to the Lord, and so much more!

Be blessed my friends!