Where I've Been

My life has been so crazy. I'm sure many of you can relate. I want to write more, but I can never seem to make the time. I'm currently typing as fast as I can, waiting on the timer on the oven to go off so I can serve my kids pizza for a late lunch. What's the latest with me? Well, my health hasn't been the best lately. Perhaps that's because when my kids got sick a couple of months ago, I fell out of my Zumba routine and practically stopped exercising altogether.

By not ever putting myself first, I guess the stress finally caught up with me. I started having stabbing headaches in my left temple a few weeks ago. They would be like a quick stab, stab, stab and then they'd stop. But then I was left with a normal tension-like headache. The headaches would come and go about every other day for about a week. This started really concerning me because my mom was recently diagnosed with a mass between her brain and her skull. I guess when I added this anxiety to the worries and stress I face everyday, it all became too much for my body to handle. I woke up in the middle of the night and my heart was racing really fast and I felt hot and sick. This happened again the next night, only my body started shaking uncontrollably.

I got in to see my doctor. She ran an EKG and thankfully, it was fine. She ordered blood work and that showed that I was low on magnesium, so I started taking supplements. It's amazing what all a deficiency in magnesium can cause. Every one of my symptoms, even that headaches, can be caused by magnesium deficiency. I seemed to be getting better, but then suddenly took a turn for the worse. I couldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I tried and my heart was racing way too fast. I tried so hard to focus on God's Word and meditate on the scriptures and listen to praise and worship music. I tried deep breathing techniques, massage oil for stress, and hot showers. But by last Tuesday night, nothing was working. I ended up going to the ER. They ran another EKG which also came back fine. After talking with the doctors, they were convinced that this was all from anxiety.

I still sit here in disbelief that my body failed me like that. I'm slowly on the road to recovery. I'm trying to make some time for myself. Today I went to the chiropractor and got a massage and an adjustment. I hate leaving the kids with my 16 year old, but sometimes it's what I have to do to keep myself sane. Tomorrow I am following up with my doctor. I'm not sure what else she can say. I've stopped taking all of the anxiety medicines that she and the hospital put me on. Then on Wednesday I'm going to talk to a counselor at church. I'm also going to try to write on here more often. I just need outlets to get it all out.

Being a mom of four boys, homeschooling, paying the bills, and trying to keep up with the house (all while trying to keep God first in my life), is just so much to take on. I don't know how others do it so gracefully. I know God was trying to get me to slow down, but unless He almost takes me out like last week, then it just seems nearly impossible to slow down. And I feel like my life runs at a much slower pace than most of the people I know. Most of my friends have schedules that keep them so busy, that they don't have time for face-to-face relationships. It really breaks my heart. We need to put down our devices and start spending more quality time with each other.

Well, now you know where I've been. I have to go cut that pizza for my kids. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Be blessed my friends!

EXCHANGE FEAR FOR FAITH

Once again I'm exploring what life would be like if I exchanged my fears for faith. How would I feel and how could it change my life? Why does fear have so much control over my life? I'm not talking about rational fears, like those that would keep me from running out in front of a car, but rather, the fears of following God and trusting Him wherever He may lead me. I know that He wants to free me from the chains of fear that have kept me bound. I know that He doesn't want me to always be stressing over what I should be doing with my life and worry about being good enough. He wants me to throw perfection out the window and just trust Him! This life was meant to live!

Here are some ways my life would change if I could just let go of the fears:

• I would go outside more during the summer and enjoy being with my kids. They would also have more sports opportunities. You see, I'm severely allergic to bees, so I spend most of my summer stuck inside the house. I'm absolutely terrified of bees. And while yes, they technically could kill me, I know that I need to trust God completely with my life. He's kept me safe from the bees for almost 24 years, why would He stop now?
• I would get on airplanes and take more trips to discover more of this beautiful earth God created.
• My kids would feel safer because they wouldn't be constantly feeding off of my own fears. 
• I would go to church more. Ouch! Yes, it's true, the fear of my kids getting sick from being around a ton of other children, often keeps me away during the winter time. This is a hard fear to manage, since we are currently dealing with almost 3 weeks of sickness, and I'm pretty sure it came from the last Sunday we were all at church. I feel so much guilt over this one. I know it's completely not what God would want.
• I would not allow my nerves to control me when we have a severe weather forecast.
• I would sleep better at night, instead of worrying about my children. Sometimes I just lay there and wonder if they are breathing okay since I haven't heard any noise on the monitor. This has been a long term fear of mine that goes back to when my cousin's baby died of SIDS, almost 18 years ago.
• I would sing again (in front of others)
• I might even start my own business again.
• I would let my house go a little bit more and not worry about what others would think. This would give me more precious time with my kids.
• I would finish that book I started writing years ago!

What about you? How would your life change if you could start letting your faith take over, instead of being controlled by fear? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Be blessed my friends!

A LOOK BACK ON 2015

January

Our Family was expanding once again! I started the year at about four months pregnant and it was in January that we found out it was another boy.

We all enjoyed some time outside in the snow!

                         

February

This picture sums up the month for me and the kids. We did a lot of school work and spent a lot of time indoors. I was being a major germaphobe since it was cold and flu season and I was in the middle of my pregnancy.

February was also the month that we took a huge leap of faith and Aaron took on a new job with Ashley Furniture. It was a very scary step since it is a commission based job, but we trust God as our provider and believe that this is a door he opened wide for us.

March

March came in roaring like a lion! This was our biggest snowfall of the season. Needless to say, we had a blast in it.

                                    

And just one week after the snow, it was warm enough for Garrison to take his first bike ride with Daddy!

Oh...And Grisham lost his first tooth!

April

Finally, spring was here! Here we are before church service. I was feeling very pregnant. I only had 2 months left.

My sweet boys!     

 In April we got some amazing pictures of the little guy in my belly. I believe this is around the time that we finally settled on a name, but we decided to keep it a secret (from most people) until he was born.

  

Mom and Dad finally decided to come back from Florida! I had missed them so much and I was so happy that they made it back before the baby was born.

May

This month was all about getting ready for the new baby and celebrating a special little man's 2nd birthday. I also gained a lot of clarity about who my real friends were. It seems like this was a year where God weeded out a lot of the bad crops (people) in my life. I didn't know they were bad for me, and the process was extremely painful, but it has stretched me so much. I have learned a lot about forgiveness, grace, and letting go (still working on that part) and moving on to God's BEST for our family!

Mommy's Little Prince

June

My due date was June 10th, but our little guy came just a couple of days early. I was all prepared for a natural birth, but God had other plans. I get so emotional when I think about the day my last son was born. God truly had His hands on us. We both could've died, but He saved us. He and I are meant to be here on this earth for a greater purpose than ourselves. For all the details of my birth story and to see more pictures, click HERE.

Finally resting with my sweet baby after several hours of traumatic events concerning my health.

I still can't believe that God has entrusted me with four amazing boys and that we are now a family of six!

July

This is always a really busy month for us. There are 3 birthdays to celebrate in this house, but of course the only one that truly mattered was the little man who turned 7 this year (which also means that we have lived in Kentucky for 7 years). G4's first month of life flew right by. It was a very trying month with him though. He was a pretty fussy baby and never let me sleep at night. I had a hard time healing emotionally from his birth. I suffered with postpartum depression and for the first time in my life, I experienced major anxiety. Throw that on top of an infant and 3 other kids to raise, and it's safe to say that it was one of the most trying times of my life...but I made it. God put the right people in my life and pulled me out from under that dark cloud!

The boys got new sand and water tables and spent most of their summer playing with them.

This handsome little man finally got his very first haircut. It made him look so much more grown up.

One of my proudest mom moments of the whole year is when G1 graduated from the police department's explorers program. It was an extremely intense week of hard, physical activity that pushed him to his limits, but he did it!!!

                                                                                  

Below is a picture of G3 at his birthday party at Gattitown. We were so thankful for all of our family and friends who were able to come. Here he is with his new set of golf clubs. We plan to get him lessons next summer because he's pretty awesome at it.

  

G3 with his friends and his cousin on one of the rides.

I just had to throw this picture in here because it's a great one of me and my grandma! She also made it down for G3's big day.

August

August was a pretty good month. We had a lot of fun in the sun and then finally decided that it was time to get back to homeschool. I now have a 10th grader, a second grader, a toddler, and an infant.

September

What a great month this was. We started homeschool gym and swim, which G3 loves. Grandma Barb came to visit and she took me and the kids to a local farm festival where we had so much fun. We all really needed to get out of the house! Baby G turned 3 months old and started grabbing toys with his hands. We went to a church camp out and G1 participated in a huge youth event at the church where they got completely covered in mud on the very last obstacle. Me and hubby celebrated our anniversary by taking a train ride and trying out a new restaurant. It was our first date since the baby was born.

October

October was an emotional roller-coaster for me because I had some health issues surface (one of which we are still trying to figure out), and it would also be the last time I saw my parents before they left again for Florida. Before they left, they took us to Shaker Village and to an old orange tree to recreate some memories. G2 started playing basketball, I got my hair cut really short, we took a field trip to Salato Wildlife Center, and we went out with a bang like we usually do in October, by having the craziest Halloween costumes!

G1 & G2 ~ 5 years ago on the left, and this year on the right.

 

November

Baby boy turned 5 months old and my very first baby turned 16 years old. I cannot believe that it has already been 16 years since God blessed me with my first son. We carried on our tradition of celebrating Thanksgiving at Cracker Barrel. 

December

This has been an awesome month. Aaron had a week of vacation and we finally got to spend a lot of quality time together. We went to the zoo with his family, I took the boys to the horse park for their light show and festivities, we did a lot of shopping and tried new places to eat. Aaron and I finally got some one on one time with G1. We took him to Malibu Jacks and then we had dinner at A&W Root Beer Stand. G4 started sitting up all on his own, he has two teeth completly through, and now he's crawling all over the place. G2 ended basketball for the season after scoring a couple of points for his team. G3 is as crazy as ever. He's always coming up with stuff that makes us laugh so hard. He's unlike any 2 year old I've ever known. 

We celebrated the birth of Christ by going to a Christmas Eve service at church. Christmas day was very nice, but exhausting. The Grinch and Santa came as always. the kids opened their gifts and spent the day playing with their new things and Grandma Barb cooked us dinner. And today we end the year with the news of another promotion for Aaron. He works his butt off and truly deserves it!

G2 and G3 ended the year with new hair cuts!

Baby's first trip to Ohio. 1st trip to the zoo,
and 1st train ride too!

 

2015 has been a very blessed year for our family. I am looking forward to a new year, with new hope for the future. Here's to a million more wonderful memories!!!