Letters to My Baby ~ #4

Wow! I'm already in my 2nd trimester. This pregnancy seems to be going to fast. I can't wait until I feel you kicking every day. I don't feel the flutters as much as I did a week or so ago. Maybe you were just trying to find your comfy spot. My stomach is definitely showing that you are growing. With me being so short, you don't have anywhere to go but straight out! I have a friend who is due any time and I honestly think I look bigger than her. Of course, you are also my 3rd child and they say you show sooner with each child. That's definitely been true in my case.

I've been fighting an upper respiratory infection and bronchitis for well over a week now and then to top that off, I got thrush from the antibiotics. But, I'm believing God that I am finally over all of this! I went up for prayer on Sunday and was told by the lady that prayed over me, that she saw in the spirit realm that all this sickness I've been fighting is building up your immune system and you will be my strongest child of the three. I'm believing that with all my heart. You will not have any breathing issues like your brothers did! You will be so healthy and perfect! You, my child, were prophesied to me and you will do mighty things for God's kingdom. I love you with all my heart!

P.S. ~ Although your Stinky Face brother still hopes that you are a boy, he has started telling me that he thinks you are a girl. We'll find out in about a month! YAY

Letters to My Baby ~ #3

I decided to go to the doctor yesterday since today was Thanksgiving. It turned out that I have an upper respiratory infection and the beginning of bronchitis. So, I'm thankful that I went. Last night was a horrible night. I slept upright on the couch and coughed off and on all night. Today hasn't been much better. I just haven't felt well altogether. You will be so worth all of this though. I see other newborn pictures and I just can't wait to see what you look like, and to hold you in my arms. I don't know why I'm rushing time so much though. Your big brother turned 13 today. You know I've been having such a hard time with that. I just don't want to let him go, to let him grow up. I want to squeeze him tighter!

We had a lovely Thanksgiving, even though I really missed our friends and family in Ohio. Dinner was good and celebrating G.Q.'s birthday was great too. I think he was pretty happy. I haven't felt you in a few days. I don't like that. I can't feel you kick yet, but usually I feel butterflies about once a day and I just know that it's you. I love you! Love, Mommy

Winter Blues Already???

Each year my parents head south for the winter. This year they haven't even left and I'm already missing them terribly. They came to visit on Sunday and it's the last time I'll get to see them until the spring. I'm especially having a hard time this year since I'm pregnant. I hate the idea of being pregnant and my mommy being hundreds of miles away from me. I'm also fighting feelings of loneliness and unworthiness. I know these thoughts are not from the Lord, but it's still hard. Sometimes I feel like Jesus is the only one I have to talk to. Which shouldn't be a bad thing. It's also difficult being a stay at home mom where you don't get praise from anyone. And then I'm struggling because I just don't really feel like I'm needed where I love to be the most. I don't want to mention specifically what I'm talking about, but I just know that when I stop being a part of this, it will continue on without me without any problems and I feel like I won't even be missed. I just want to stay inside my home. There's less chance of getting hurt. But doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of loneliness? I wonder how much of these stupid feelings are due to the time change? That seems to bring me down each year. Does anyone else have this issue? 

Sorry that this post is so depressing. It's just what I'm feeling at the moment. I'm a real person and I share it all! I know Jesus will bring me out of it though. Maybe He's put me in this spot so I will draw closer to him. Guess I will get off of the internet and go spend more time with Him. 

Be blessed my friends!

Letters to My Baby ~ #2

I keep telling people that this pregnancy has been much easier than the other two, but now I'm starting to rethink that. I had felt that it was easier because the morning sickness hasn't been as bad. I've only thrown up once, but I'm pretty sure that was because of a virus. Although the morning sickness has been minimal, I feel like I just can't catch my breath from other kinds of illness. I've had that yucky virus, two types of infections and now I've been fighting a cold for four days and I'm only 13 weeks (tomorrow). Which brings me to a very exciting piece of news...that means tomorrow is the beginning of my 2nd trimester! YAY! This pregnancy seems to be flying by and I couldn't be happier about that. There are too many friends and family around me who are getting to hold their newborns in their arms. It makes me day dream about you even more. I can't wait to see what you look like. Will you have light or dark hair? There's no doubt in my mind that you will have hair and I think you'll have plenty of it. When you are first born, I picture you with a head full of dark hair.

I've had 6 total pregnancy dreams so far. With your brothers, I only had boy dreams, so I knew without a doubt that they would be boys. With you, I've dreamed twice that I miscarried (horrible, scary nightmares is more fitting), then I had 2 girl dreams and more recently I dreamed that you were a boy. The main thing I remember about one of the girl dreams is that you had something special about your eyes. They were the brightest, crystal blue color that I've ever seen in my life. I thought something was wrong with you, but when I woke up, God gave me peace and told me that it's a good thing. You have a special calling on your life. I can only imagine the impact you are going to make on this world.

Here's what happened in my last dream: I went in for my ultrasound and I didn't want to find out what you were because we are going to have a party and reveal it there. I hadn't told the doctor this yet, and I looked to my left and saw this printout that was all blue and it said, "It's a boy!!!". I pretended like I didn't see that and I was hoping it was just left there from the last person. Then I told the doctor our plans to not find out. He left the room and another technicion came in. She immediately zoomed in on your private area and I saw that you were a boy. She then verified that what I was looking at was indeed boy parts. I became upset and said, "I can only produce boys.". I was really upset because I didn't have a boy name picked out yet. When I awoke from the dream, I was so convinced that I was having a boy. It took me quite a while to realize that it was all just a dream.

So now, I'm thoroughly confused as to what your gender might be, but I still have a really strong feeling that you are a girl. Everything is just so different this time. Either way, you are a special gift from God and I am so incredibly blessed to have you in my life.

P.S. ~ Your smallest big brother has called you a he from day one! He really wants a little brother. Your oldest brother wants a sister this time. That's what he wanted before, but God gave him a brother.

Letters to My Baby

Since I've been faced with writers block, I decided that I will start writing letters to my unborn child. I think it will be a great way to share my pregnancy experience with others and also something for him or her to cherish when he or she is older. So, here goes:

Dear little berry, yesterday, November 17th, 2012 was the first time that I am 100% sure that I felt you move. I was sitting on my bed talking with my friend Trish (whom you will call Aunt Trish). All of the sudden I felt these really strong flutters in my belly, just to the right of where the doctor has been finding your heartbeat. I was so excited! I laughed and yelled at your daddy to tell him what just happened. He was obviously jealous. He can't wait until you are big and strong enough for him to feel you kicking.

A lot of things are happening in our lives. The biggest event is that your big brother is becoming a teenager. I still can't believe it! Today your mamaw and papaw came down to visit for the last time before they head south for the winter. Your Aunt Trish was also here. G.Q. opened his presents, we spent some time together and then went to Golden Corral to eat lunch. It's always so hard for me to tell my mom and dad goodbye when I know that I won't see them again for at least 4 months and they will be thousands of miles away from me. I miss them so much already!

Tonight your daddy put Christmas lights on the house. The weather here is so gorgeous! Thanksgiving is this Thursday and that is also the day your biggest brother turns 13. Your Grandma B, Great Grandpa & Aunt Cindy will be coming down to celebrate. We'll be taking another trip to Golden Corral because that's your brother's favorite place to eat.

That's all for now. I love you my precious baby. You are my 3rd miracle from Jesus! I'm so thankful for you!

MEMORIES

2006 ~ Me & My Pumpkin

Life seems like a whirlwind. The ticking clock seems to be going faster and faster every day. I remember just like it was yesterday, holding my first baby boy in my arms. I can still smell that fresh baby scent on his skin. I remember how hard it was to go back to work, to leave him with a stranger for the first time. I couldn't wait to run home and see him everyday. He had beautiful, blonde, curly hair and he was always smiling. He was super intelligent. I loved every teachable moment with him. Preschool age was one of my favorite ages with him. We loved finger painting, playing with Play-Doh and drawing pictures. When he was unhappy, all I had to do was put Veggie Tales on TV and he would stare into the tube until he fell asleep. There was no greater feeling than those precious times he fell asleep in my arms.

Where have all the years gone? My heart is saddened by the thought of all the memories we've created. Memories! Those days are gone. Now we have to create new memories that don't include him snuggling up to my chest or being carried around on my hip. My teaching moments have gone from teaching him how to use sippy cups and how to eat with silverware to teaching him 7th grade curriculum, what certain things mean that he hears from other kids, and teaching him more about responsibility. 

My little pumpkin is turning a new page in his life. He's no longer just a child. He's going to be a teenager. I want to hold him so close to me during the next few years, knowing just how fast the rest of my time with him has flown by. But what's so hard, is that this is the time of his life when I know I need to start letting go, just a little bit.

So here's to the new memories that I look forward to creating with my son. Video games, driving school, girls, cooking together, sports, new technologies, helping him grow closer to the Lord, and so much more!

Be blessed my friends!