From My Heart (Continued)

One day shy of 20 weeks with baby # 4

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post so I thought I'd give you an update. I'm doing much better, but still have a little ways to go. Time really does help heal a lot of things. I'm still in denial that I'm actually having a 4th boy. I look at my ultrasound picture a lot and I question it. I've even shared it with others who also question it. It has 3 lines (which is what you hear all the time when it's a girl), just the middle line is out a bit further than the other 2. Someone in my mom's group on Facebook shared a picture of their "It's a girl" ultrasound and I swear, my ultrasound picture looks a lot like that one. I go back on in 2 weeks for another ultrasound because of my age. This is one time I'm actually glad I'm a bit older. I'll get a second look at the baby and hopefully they'll have a better look at the private areas and ease any confusion that I still have.

Until then, I'm just trying to convince myself that it is a boy. I'm trying to bring myself to buy something for him, but I just can't get excited over anything. I mean, have you seen the baby girl clothes? They are ridiculously cute and they are everywhere! Try finding something that is cute for a boy. I mean, really cute. The options really stink! I think I'm going to have to go to a boutique store and spend a lot of money on one item just to make myself feel better.

The support from my friends and family have been a tremendous help in my healing process. I told them that I didn't want any comments (and I really thought I didn't), but I honestly don't know where I'd be right now if they hadn't reached out to me in the only ways they knew how. I'm very blessed and grateful for people who don't give up on me when I'm down. They are always there to lift me back up. They might not have had the right words, but they tried and that speaks mountains to my heart.

Moving on! No more posts about gender dissapointment because deep down I know that I will love this baby no matter what the gender is. I love my 3 sons with all of my heart. My heart aches just thinking of when they will be grown and leave me. Sadly, that may not be too far off for my oldest. They are each such a blessing to my life. They have changed me inside and out. I'm still working on making myself a better person, because I want to be the best for them.

God has really been speaking to me about writing more. It's my outlet and I believe it's a gift from Him. It's a gift that He wants me to share with others. So, I plan to write more often (I know, you've heard this before). He wants me to be an encourager to others because there are too many people in this world who don't have a great support system like I do. So stay tuned for some encouraging, uplifting messages (along with other tidbits of my life).

Be blessed my friends!