So last night I had a dream that I was at our old house and I needed to get something. I had a key in my hand. My baby was in the house sleeping for some reason. Just as I was about to unlock the door, this big dog tried to attack me. Luckily, it was on a chain and couldn't get me. I got what I needed and tried leaving. I ran up this hill with the dog chasing me. I stopped at the top of the hill and the dog was jumping up and trying it's best to attack me, but again, it's chain kept it from getting to me. It was so scary seeing it face to face, jumping up and barking at me. I think my parents were off to the side giving me suggestions on how to get around the dog. I finally got away from the dog because it's chain restricted it from reaching me.

When I woke up this morning, God gave revealed something to me about the dream. He said that the dog was Satan.

Now I'm trying to figure out the entire meaning of it all. Why was I at my old house? Am I trying to live in the past? Or get back to a point in my spiritual walk that I used to be at? The baby was inside sleeping, protected, and not even knowing what's going on. Do I need to become more like the baby? Who were my parents really? Was it my Father, God, trying to direct my path? Satan is on a chain! Does that mean he can't touch me? Or does it mean that he is restricted in what he can do to me? Either way, I'm really happy about this revelation.

So, tonight I just need a safe place to write. I'm sure this isn't my best option, but maybe someone will see it who actually cares. And maybe for once, someone will reach out to me! I'm really frustrated with my life at the moment. I feel like Satan is attacking me and my family. I'm sure there's something big that's going to happen in my life that he's trying to prevent. But even though I know that, and I know who I am in Christ, my flesh has struggled so much lately. I get angry real easy again. It doesn't get as blown out of control like it use to, but I don't like displaying any anger, especially around my family, and they're always the ones who see the most of it. I've been fasting pop for about a week because of anger. I just feel like God has put that on my heart to do. I've dealt with a lot of fear lately too, to the point where I lost several pounds in just a couple of days. Now I've gained back that weight, plus some because I've been so tired all the time. I absolutely hate how often I am tired. I have ONE good day where I feel like the energizer bunny and nothing can stop me, then I have 3 or 4 bad days where I have absolutely NO motivation or energy to do anything. This makes me feel like a really bad mom and wife. I just don't understand. I take good vitamins. I start about 5 out of 7 of my mornings with God, reading His word and praying. Why can't I just get over this mountain? I feel like I'm wandering in the wilderness just like His children did all those years ago, when they could've made it to the promise land so much faster. Am I doing something wrong? I try to be obedient to every little thing that God whispers in my ear. I honestly feel like something is wrong with me. But where does a christian woman go to get help? Where do I even began? With my emotions? How they are up and down? With my energy, or lack of? With the anger issues?

I'm SO frustrated! I know life could be so much worse for me. But Jesus came to give us an abundant life! He doesn't want us living like this. He doesn't want us wasting our time here on earth, which is what I feel like I do most days. I write on here because I feel like I have no one else to talk to. I'm always there for my friends when they really need me. I'm even there for my enemies when everyone else has turned their backs on them. So WHY do I feel like no one is there for me when I so desperately just need someone to talk to? Someone to guide me? Someone to hug me and tell me that there is nothing wrong with me? Where are the people who are supposed to encourage ME?

I've been going to my church for over 2 years. It hurts me badly that I have made only one real friend there. I have another friend that I met outside of church, but other than that, there aren't any REAL friends who REALLY care about what happens to me. The church always preaches love and fellowship. What do I have to do to find this love and fellowship? I'm tired of feeling so lonely all the time. I'm tired of watching my husband go through this life without any real friends.

I know there is SO much more to this life. I just don't know exactly what it is or how to get there. If I don't know what it is, then I guess I can't expect to know how to get there.

Jesus loves you!!! If you are searching for answers, I want to suggest tuning in to my church. You just go to www.BethelLive.com on Wednesday nights beginning at 6:30 pm and Sunday mornings at 9:00 & 10:00am. My church is a holy ghost filled church and we see miracles and salvations practically every time the doors are open. If you are local, I invite you to come check it out for yourself!

Wow, it's been so long since I've written on this blog. The problem could be that this is one of three blogs that I'm trying to keep up. Why am I always adding to my troubles? Then I complain that I can't keep up. I should be homeschooling right now, but it's been a rough night. Little Bam Bam has croup for the 6th, 7th or maybe event the 8th time. I've really lost count. Anyway, we were up for a while in the middle of the night, giving him breathing treatments. I almost feel like God allows sickness in my kid's lives to make me remember how precious their little lives are. I mean, I absolutely LOVE my kids, but sometimes, we just take our time with them for granted. When they get sick, you can barely let go of them. You want to squeeze them a little tighter, play with them a little more and tell them even more, how much you love them. I thank the Lord for this reminder, but I do wish my kids never got sick. It breaks a mommas heart to see them like that. Well, I will try to update again soon. I just wanted to pop in and say hi and let everyone know a little bit about what has been going on lately. Be blessed!

My husband and I have been on a Daniel Fast since Jan. 9th. This is a fast where you can't have any sweets (NOTHING with any added sugar), meat, or dairy. This is a salad I made with olive oil and vinegar. It's amazing how much I enjoy salad now without cheese! I think my body is lacking protein or iron because I actually miss meat more than sweets. How do vegetarians do it? During this fast I've already seen miracles happen and I'm standing with expectancy that more blessings will be poured out on us because of our obedience to God. Most importantly, we have drawn closer to Him and can feel His holy presence more than before. This is a time to honor God by giving Him the first fruits of our year. If you are reading this, I pray that God will also bless you and your family with a wonderful, prosperous year, but most of all, that you too will take time to draw closer to God. He loved you before you even knew Him.

I am really having a hard time with Christmas this year. My eyes have been opened to see the commercialism and religious (or non-religious) rituals that so many people have bought into. Now that the scales have been dropped from my eyes, I'm having a really hard time transitioning from all of the ways we used to celebrate Christmas, to making this Christmas all about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I can't help to think about how He must feel about Santa. Our God is a jealous God and I know He doesn't like us making idols out of anything or anyone and that is what I feel Santa has become for so many households. My heart really breaks for Jesus because He deserves so much more than a quick prayer over your family dinner or a quick, "Thank you Jesus" for the gift you got.

He came to this earth as a tiny baby in a manger. And He left this earth with His body nailed to the cross to pay for our sins. Is it really too much to truly give Him ONE day out of the year to celebrate Him and everything that He means to us and has done for us?

I really want to honor Jesus this year and each new year to come. I want to thank Him more, praise Him more and spend more time alone in His presence. I don't want the presents, trees, lights, decor, dinner, or family gatherings to overshadow Him! I honestly could care less about all of those other things. I want to take communion with my family to remember what He did for us and to receive His blessings. The thing that makes this transition hard is our children and also the guilt trip I get from adults who think we're robbing our children of a part of their childhood that they can never get back.

My Christmas wish for you is that you will take even just a few minutes and bathe in His presence and remember why there even is a season. It's ALL about HIM! Please don't forget that, no matter how you choose to celebrate!

SO MUCH FOR POTTY TRAINING

Well, I have WAY too many other things that I try to accomplish on a daily basis, and potty training has recently taken a turn downhill. I'm not sure what happened, because he was doing so well. I think in order to keep myself from having a stroke, heart attack or anurism, we are going to go back to diapers for a while. I am really getting sick and tired of cleaning pee off of the couch and poop off of the floor, and spending 80% of my day with a 2 year old who is fighting the urge to poop, next to the potty. So for now, goodbye messes all over my house and hello diapers!

Potty Training ~ Day TWO

So it's day two of potty training and we've made some MAJOR progress, thanks to our friends M&M's. I give him one M&M for each time he pees in his potty and 5 for each time he goes #2. He has peed MANY, MANY times in the potty today, but has also had a few accidents. He has also gone #2! I had to catch him when he was squatting and set him on the potty, but it worked! I'm one proud momma right now! I'm also one very exhausted momma! I'm loving the money we are saving on diapers though! We'll see what tomorrow brings. It should be interesting because Daddy will be home and get to experience this first hand. :0) I'm excited to have the extra help!

Potty Training ~ Day ONE

I've decided to start potty training Stinky Face. He is 25 months now and shows all of the signs of readiness. The problem is, he's a male...therefore he's stubborn! LOL Today we went through about 6 pairs of underwear, but I'm happy because we saved at least that many diapers! Let's see what tomorrow brings. I don't know what to expect, but I'm happy to at least be giving this a try and saving some money in the mean time.
This is his frog potty. When we think it's time to go, we tell him to go sit on his froggy!

THIS IS A FUN ART PROJECT WITH SHAVING CREAM AND FOOD COLORING THAT WE DID!

Before food coloring

G.Q. experimenting with colors

All of the great colors he created

My little baby getting messy

G.Q. getting messy

Uh oh, things are starting to get out of control!

This is G.Q. after Stinky Face smacked him across the face.

Bath time!!!

THE END!

OUR HOMESCHOOL DECISION

This year I felt like putting my son back in public school because homeschool has always seemed so hard for me. I let him go to a public school to tour it and see what it would be like. He got all excited and wanted to go, but I didn't have peace about it in my heart. But at the same time, I didn't have complete peace in my heart about homeschool. One night, I got alone with God and asked Him what His will was. I should have done that before I took my son on a tour of the school.

This is what the Lord spoke to me. "God did not give me the ability to homeschool to be stressed out all the time. He gave me this opportunity to spend quality time with my children while they are young, to lead them down a path of righteousness. He has provided everything needed to homeschool and part of the reason we are broken right now with our finances is because it is not God's desire for G.Q. to go to public school. He has already provided for homeschool needs and next years needs will be met as well, with abundance. By then we will all realize that it is God's desire for both children to be schooled at home."

Now there is COMPLETE peace in my heart about our decision. I thank God for such a timely message and I greet homeschool with open arms, trusting Him to help me be the mother and teacher that He has called me to be. He doesn't lead you anywhere in life without equipping you with everything you need!

Baby Signs

Our little 17 month old has been learning sign language to help out with his communication skills. He is doing great with simple signs such as ball, bite, more, please, cracker, drink and play. It's adorable and almost unbelievable that a child so young can understand sign language and pick up on it so quickly. Being Christian parents, we want to make sure that Jesus is a part of everything we do. So today, I taught Stinky Face the sign for Jesus. It's very simple. Take you right middle finger and place it in the palm of your left hand. Then take your left middle finger and place it in the palm of your right hand.

JESUS